The young today are constantly looking for career changes. They change jobs like they change clothes. I found that more than nine out of ten youth consider their present job, just a job not as a serious career. Many youth I spoke to cited different reasons for doing what they did not like. Some of the reasons are:
Rajat, who wrote to me recently complains that he always come across an obstacle trying to do something good.
You CAN or CAN’T. There is no Try. These are the phrases I grown up with in the initial days of my career, while working for Timeshare Industry.
In the first day at office, I asked by the manager who was taking a pre-presentation meeting, will you get a sale today? I’ll TRY, this is what I replied. The manager asked me, “TRY TO PICK UP THE CHAIR” I was sitting in. I picked it up. No,no, I said “ Try to pick it up”, he said. I confused.
I’m writing this letter to Prashant, on his birthday today.
Wish you a Happy Birthday!
I don’t know how would you feel, but I’m more than happy paying you this sincere words.
I want you to count your birthday this year…
Raghav, 28, a software engineer recently wrote to me.
I have been continuously threaten by my boss, that he’ll fire me if I don’t meet the target. I’m working 18 hours a day through weekends. I’m newly married, my wife is continuously complaining and fighting. I’m extremely scared of this job-insecurity and often tensed so high. I’m not able to produce the best results. Things are getting worse day-by-day.
She wrote to me,
I’m 16 and I’ve been thinking about suicide for a year now. I don’t really know what I want to do with my life and it doesn’t help that my mom keeps pressuring me to pursue a career that I’m not even interested in. The other day I got in an argument with my mom about what she wanted me to become. She threatened that she wouldn’t pay for my college if I tried becoming something else. I feel trapped. I feel like my life was never mine to begin with. I could talk to my mom about this, but I know she wouldn’t take me seriously; she never does. At this point I don’t really care about my life or my future anymore. I mean, what’s the point of living if I can’t be happy or live my own life?
Rupali, who wrote to me recently seeking my advice. She had tolerated an abusive relationship for years and finally end it recently. The relationship, where she was repeatedly told, “You can’t do anything right”. You have no mind. You are the stupidest girl I have ever seen. You’re so slow. You don’t know how to move people. You’re not attractive. You don’t have a good future. And many such.
Hearing that for so long, She is totally beaten-up, both physically and mentally. She has no joy, a little or no confidence, and extremely low self-esteem. Maybe she depressed.
I wrote to her,
First of all, he is no one to comments on you. Why he only, no one can say this to you except the one who creates you. Your value, your talents, your beauty have been put in you by the nature, perhaps gift of the God. And it’s really doesn’t matter what anyone else has spoken over you. The truth is that no one has the authority. You are the treasure house of unlimited potentials, and opportunities. You are more beautiful than you think you are. You’re more valuable and intelligent than you think you are.
The problem is you allowed him to talk this negative over you. You allowed him to abuse you and break you over these negative words.
Many people have had negative comments spoken over them, like “You don’t have what it takes”. You’re not capable enough. I don’t think you’ll ever be successful, and so on…
Let me ask you,
Who are these people to tell you all this? How capable and successful are they? I burn over anger, when I listen these comments, parents to their children, husbands to their wives, people to their servants and employers to their employees. I don’t even understand, why would you tolerate all this nonsense?
Let me tell you this,
How somebody has treated you, what he or she said to you doesn’t change your potential. Your potential are put in you by the creator, the manufacturer. It’s permanent. It remains there, in the same manner (same quality and quantity). You use it or not, it’s doesn’t get impacted over someone’s negative statements. But the problem maybe you think that you don’t have it, or have less of it.
I dedicated a good space for this in my book Love X Marry Y. The tagline goes, “ person who says “no you can’t do it” is basically sending out the message that he couldn’t do it ”.
I don’t know how these negative words make hole in your heart and mind, but it does. Words are powerful. They penetrate faster and deeper than you imagine. They put barriers in your heart and mind. Even a small phrase holds you back for years. And it’s often difficult to through them out. They’re crazy by nature.
But you don’t worry, there is a simple and the most effective way to achieve over it. And that is, by not allowing them to sock into you. Yes, overcoating your heart and mind against these words is what works great for me.
Train your brain. Train your heart and mind against these negative statements. Here is how I do it. Everyday I say to myself standing in front of the mirror, I’m smart. I’m intelligent. I’m talented. I have a bright future. My best days are ahead. Yes, you have to get your mind going on this direction.
Recently I received some negative comments over my last blog post “My letter to Deepika Padukone on her birthday”. Two educated women tried to break me over some abusive words, without reading and understanding what I say and why I say. But they couldn’t move my mind, because I know, who I’m and what I’m capable of.
Remember, “ The events of your past do not reduce your potential”.
And when you have been practising this habit for 2 months or 3 months, write me back and tell me how it’s working.
Happy BirthDay, May god bless you for everything you wanted in life.
Here is a small gift from me, in terms of words(thought), hope you’ll find it useful.
First of all, thank you very much, for such a nobel work, Live Love Laugh and spreading awareness on depression.
Thank you for your concern, being open and sharing your experiences and thought in front of the world, and we could see your intensions, helping others in this situation in life.
You conveyed a message, Depression must be treated with the help of psychiatrists and/or counsellors. I watched the TV session out of curiosity, because that’s what I discussed hugely in my book “Love X Marry Y” (publishing soon).
But, Deepika, you somehow refrained from mentioning the reason why you suffered depression? You only said that, you had no clue ,what went wrong and when, you got up one morning and felt directionless, some days, you felt like not getting up even.
This gives rise to two lines of thought. Maybe you don’t want to divulge too much information in public as it can be counterproductive to your stardom. Or you’re really confused and have no idea about the root cause of your problem. Though I wonder how your doctors helped you without knowing the cause. Or maybe you haven’t yet come out of depression completely. I don’t want to get into that. You must be knowing it better than anyone else.
Why I’m saying this, because doctor says, Depression is a disease and it can’t be cured, but only can be controlled upto a good extent. Yes the stories, examples and researches are well included in my book Love X Marry Y.
That’s even true, these good doctors are not lying at all. No doctor can cure depression. it’s only you, who can do this.
The route cause
Every problem has a root cause. But how many doctors actually bother to find it? I would say very few. At times, it may even be difficult for doctors to diagnose the root cause. Maybe this isn’t their job. Sometimes, the patients reach them in such a state that immediate medication becomes a necessity.
Maybe it’s your responsibility to convey the root cause. But then you do not have any idea about this. Even if you tell the doctors that the cause is related to your life, I wonder how the doctor can really help.
Finding the root cause is the only way to cure depression. Mind you, I said ‘cure’ and not ‘control.’ That’s how it should be. The best treatment for depression lies in finding the root cause and working on it. But how do we establish the root cause? Where do we start from? It can be quite confusing and messy. Sometimes it appears as though there is no real reason. Well, that’s fairly understandable.
So, Deepika, only you know the truth, whether you consciously controlled your depression with the help of the psychiatrists and counsellors or you have completely come out of it ?
If you think your relationship is the reason, then you are missing the picture. You do not understand the root cause of depression. And also your mother have categorically said that relationship issues are not the reason for your depression. And you confessed that you’re not able to identify the reason. Now you know the truth, but I’m sure it was not a publicity stunt.
You have millions of fans, back-to-back super hit films and several big banner movies to choose from, besides many brand endorsements. Everything seems just perfect for you. But still you have been a victim of acute depression. Why? Why would such a thing happen? How can you so successful be depressed? If fame and fortune do not guarantee happiness, then what will?
- May be you’re not able to define your success till now. What does success mean to you? May be you need to re-define it? Here, I wildly discussed the issue in my book, how people finding it so hard to defining their success and how defining it guarantees a lifelong happiness and helps choosing a right career. I love my quote “Success has no definition, you have to write your own”.
- Maybe you need more than that. You strive for satisfaction that fulfils all your desires.
- Maybe something was or is still missing from your life. Somewhere down the line, you have not been able to find your inner voice and have not been able to live your desire. What does you really care for?
- Maybe you have become a robot controlled by circumstances and people around you.
- You may be everything in people’s eyes, but nothing in your own.
- Maybe your status is no more working out for you.
- Maybe it’s a suffocating tag. Maybe you want to come out of it, but fears losing a lot.
Here are few suggestions, that may helps re-defining.
- You’re more human and fewer star, your inner smile has much more value than the smile your fans need.
- Find the real you, what you deeply care and respect. Your values and beliefs, rather, what people around you thinks and wants you to do or become. You’re extremely talented with what you do, but may be you need to align your work accordingly.
- Set time and prioritize things, may be you have do 1-2 films in a year, so that, you get enough time for your dreams and desires, things that you really care.
- Declare, your schedule and type of work in the industry, so that you don’t have to waste time and energy evaluating things frequently, that has no/less value for you.
- Don’t worry about the stardom, it comes and goes with time, but what doesn’t is your happiness.
- You have done much of what you do, perhaps it’s time to think about your unfulfilled desires, your long term happiness. Please think about them and value them as well.
- When you make your new year’s resolutions, writing down the goal that’s more important than films.
I have recently discussed TOP 5 REASONS, that’s holding back our success, and how we can manage them, making 2016, the best year ever.
I’m extremely sorry, If I hurt you any where in this, that’s never been an intention.
Once again, many many returns of the day, God bless you for all the happiness you desired.
Welcome to Day Five: ACTION
There we’ve learned,
- Why it’s so important, that we should public our New Year’s Resolutions, and how it helps completing our goals faster.
- What all we should public and what’s not ?
- How to public them effectively?
There we also discussed, the fun & serious chart of WHY PUBLIC? , the P-A-D-H-A-G rule.
You can read the complete post, HERE
Today we’ll discuss the “ACTION”. We have learned, making public our goal, helps taking action, but if you’re not clear about, what action need to be taken, then you’ll remain fasten.
So,how do you design or decide on a goal, that helps you taking the right action. Here is how we can achieve that.
Deciding, becoming more consistent in writing, didn’t help me completing my book, but “writing at least thousand word in a day” did.
“Becoming more consistent in writing”. Is that actionable? No. But “writing at least thousand word in a day”? That’s actionable.
One more example: “Becoming more health conscious”. Is that actionable? No. “Exercising thirty minutes a day”, that’s actionable.
Put an action verb, while writing your goal, that helps making it actionable.
I mean align here. We often don’t align our goal with the circumstances. We don’t realize, whether it’s the right time/duration to take this forward. Result, disappointment due to no action.
By circumstances, I mean, for an example, you have a goal, but there are other things, which are important and urgent too, if you don’t, you may loose a lot. So, will you be able to focus on your goal completely? No.
While deciding on a goal, see if it’s aligning to the timing, when you want to achieve them. If you realize, that may not be the right time for the goal, then you should swap it with another goal, which has better probability.
Most of us like to operate in the comfort zone. Why? Because we love to be comfortable, but the problem is nothing great ever happens in the comfort zone, where you’re going to get the satisfaction, where you mean the real growth.
I already have a goal of writing thousand word in a day, By deciding on, writing a blog post each day for the next five days, is nothing, but making it even challenging. The satisfaction which I have today, while I’m writing the last post of my goal, would have never been there, if I had it replaced with my daily writing goal. It’s a social proof, that people love challenges. Your goal need to be challenging enough, to get you the result and satisfaction.
The most popular term used for this is, deadline.
Writing another book in 2016. Am I like setting a goal here? No. It’s rather an aspiration. But what if I say, I want to complete the manuscript by September 15 and publishing by December 25? Here I’m setting a goal. Why? Because, I put a deadline here, made it time-bound. We often miss out differentiating aspiration and goal.
Similarly, writing thousand word in a day, may look like an aspiration, but writing thousand word by 12 noon everyday, is way more effective.
You actually make your goals more effective and easy to achieve, when you make them time-bound.
That’s all for today(day5). Also this is the last post of my goal, help you making 2016, your best year ever. I hope, you found it useful and also you’re going to refer them while making your this year’s resolutions. Happy New Year, All the best best for your future. If you have any further query, you may contact, Email: email@example.com
Welcome to Day Four: PUBLIC
Yesterday we talked about the PAST and I shared, how,
COMPLETING YOUR PAST can be a brilliant way to make this year, your best year ever, there I shown you THREE SIMPLE WAYS, how to achieve it.
Also I discussed the “After Action Review” of Indian Army, and why we should learn from them.
You can read the complete post, HERE
Today we’ll discuss the “PUBLIC”. Here we’ll learn,
- Why we should public our resolutions, and how it helps completing our goals faster to make this year, the best year ever ?
- What all we should public and what’s not ? And most importantly,
- How to public our goals, that helps achieving it?
So let’s get started..
Did you notice that, four days back, I publicized my goal, that I’m going to help you making 2016, YOUR BEST YEAR EVER, I’ll be sharing one reason, that holding you back from success and how you can overcome it, each day for the next FIVE DAYS.
Generally, I don’t maintain that frequency, but I’m on fire, I made myself accountable, my reputations are at stake. and I have to protect them.
Isn’t that a great way to getting ahead of your dreams? Yes it is…
I took a small resolution for five days, and I’m able to fulfilled it, because I made it public.
Because it makes you accountable,
Because it helps you being disciplined,
Because it creates habit,
Because it attracts action,
Because it helps achieving goal
Because it helps making this year, YOUR BEST YEAR EVER
Why BEST YEAR?
Because you wanted,
Why I WANTED?
How do I know…
No fun, all serious discussions. It’s actually till “GOAL” . It’s P-A-D-H-A-G, And after that it’s again P(public). It’s a cycle, once you achieved your goal, you go back again to the public and tell them, that you did it.
You can’t make it reverse, G-A-H-D-A-P, if you do, that means, you need to force yourself into action immediately after you decide on your goal, which is difficult. You may not able to take actions immediate upon your decision. To take action, you need motivation, commitment, you need to be on fire, and you’ll get all these, when you make it public.
“ Your goal need to be public to get push ups ”
What to Public?
I’m no where saying, public your plan, your business secrets, No, you may not required that. That’s your “HOW”s, how you want to achieve your goal, should be your secret, but if you want you can public that too.
But do publicize your “ WHAT”, what you wan to achieve.
There is one more thing, which you may publicize. That’s your WHY. I would encourage you to do that, because your why is always plays a bigger role in what you want to achieve. It’s your emotion or challenge, by publicizing it, helps make yourself more accountable. When you tell people, why you want to achieve that, you likely to share your inner self, your purpose a bit, and it’s difficult for you to hurt them. You surely would like to protect your self respect. And that’s what I want you to do.
How to Public?
there’re many way to do. But here are few effective ways, that you can consider.
Write them on paper or digitalize them, don’t just keep it in your mind, and tell people, this my goal for this year. Write them on your blog, diary or else where, put a signature into, and make them public on social media. In your FaceBook page/groups, you can post them in your WhatsApp groups too. And all those possible ways, where you can make them popular.
If I’ve given a choice of only one place to publicize my goal, then I’d do it, by telling the friend(s), those who jealous of me and my work. That’s works great for me. Why? Because, they’ll make it even popular, if I fail, and I’m scared of it, and I don’t let it happens.
What are you waiting for, go and public, your goal of the year and make it your best year ever.
That’s all for today, See you tomorrow(Day 5)