Rupali, who wrote to me recently seeking my advice. She had tolerated an abusive relationship for years and finally end it recently. The relationship, where she was repeatedly told, “You can’t do anything right”. You have no mind. You are the stupidest girl I have ever seen. You’re so slow. You don’t know how to move people. You’re not attractive. You don’t have a good future. And many such.
Hearing that for so long, She is totally beaten-up, both physically and mentally. She has no joy, a little or no confidence, and extremely low self-esteem. Maybe she depressed.
I wrote to her,
First of all, he is no one to comments on you. Why he only, no one can say this to you except the one who creates you. Your value, your talents, your beauty have been put in you by the nature, perhaps gift of the God. And it’s really doesn’t matter what anyone else has spoken over you. The truth is that no one has the authority. You are the treasure house of unlimited potentials, and opportunities. You are more beautiful than you think you are. You’re more valuable and intelligent than you think you are.
The problem is you allowed him to talk this negative over you. You allowed him to abuse you and break you over these negative words.
Many people have had negative comments spoken over them, like “You don’t have what it takes”. You’re not capable enough. I don’t think you’ll ever be successful, and so on…
Let me ask you,
Who are these people to tell you all this? How capable and successful are they? I burn over anger, when I listen these comments, parents to their children, husbands to their wives, people to their servants and employers to their employees. I don’t even understand, why would you tolerate all this nonsense?
Let me tell you this,
How somebody has treated you, what he or she said to you doesn’t change your potential. Your potential are put in you by the creator, the manufacturer. It’s permanent. It remains there, in the same manner (same quality and quantity). You use it or not, it’s doesn’t get impacted over someone’s negative statements. But the problem maybe you think that you don’t have it, or have less of it.
I dedicated a good space for this in my book Love X Marry Y. The tagline goes, “ person who says “no you can’t do it” is basically sending out the message that he couldn’t do it ”.
I don’t know how these negative words make hole in your heart and mind, but it does. Words are powerful. They penetrate faster and deeper than you imagine. They put barriers in your heart and mind. Even a small phrase holds you back for years. And it’s often difficult to through them out. They’re crazy by nature.
But you don’t worry, there is a simple and the most effective way to achieve over it. And that is, by not allowing them to sock into you. Yes, overcoating your heart and mind against these words is what works great for me.
Train your brain. Train your heart and mind against these negative statements. Here is how I do it. Everyday I say to myself standing in front of the mirror, I’m smart. I’m intelligent. I’m talented. I have a bright future. My best days are ahead. Yes, you have to get your mind going on this direction.
Recently I received some negative comments over my last blog post “My letter to Deepika Padukone on her birthday”. Two educated women tried to break me over some abusive words, without reading and understanding what I say and why I say. But they couldn’t move my mind, because I know, who I’m and what I’m capable of.
Remember, “ The events of your past do not reduce your potential”.
And when you have been practising this habit for 2 months or 3 months, write me back and tell me how it’s working.